Getting Over the Guilt

The other day, as I dropped off my three-year-old, Connor, at daycare, his best buddy, Dean, came in with his mommy. Dean was having a hard morning and didn’t want his mommy to leave. As he was crying, Connor walked over and said, “It’s okay, Dean, my mommy works, too.”

My chest swelled up. My first thought was, “I have the most precious boy; he is such a sweet friend,” Then that all-too-familiar guilt started to creep in. He wouldn’t have to say that if I were a stay at home mom.

But I’m not. I’m a working mom. And it has been a struggle to get to the point where I am proud of that title. Not only am I proud of it, I own it, because I am so over the guilt. The working mom vs. stay at home mom guilt has eaten up way too much of my mind these past three years. So, instead of letting the internal battle continue, I’ve decided to embrace the finality of my decision in this area and get on with my life, without regret.

I’m a working mom. I used to hide behind it when people asked if I worked, and I would tell them, “I barely work full time” or “Well, yes...but I’m in education, so I get off three months a year.” Eventually, I just stopped making excuses and started claiming my decision.

And that release of guilt felt so good. I just don’t have the mental energy any longer to care if I’m a working mom and you choose to be a stay at home mom. You do you, and I’ll do me.

But I haven’t always felt this way. Thinking back, I wanted to be a stay at home mom because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. Yet, I was never certain that staying home was the right choice for me. While I’d love to wear workout attire all day, I couldn’t completely see myself in the role of a stay at home mom where I bragged to my social media friends when I {finally} got to take a shower and put makeup on. I also knew that I needed more adult conversation in my day than being a stay at home mom could give me. By choosing to stay home, I wouldn’t be using that college education my mom paid for. And if I wasn’t working, why did I even bother going to college? What a waste.

But I still badgered my husband about it on occasion, and went as far as to make a spreadsheet of our finances telling him that if we gave up this and that, we could make it work. I could stay home. He was never convinced and, on a deeper level, I think he knew I wouldn’t be happy staying home.

Yet, I continued to wrestle with the guilt. I loved my job, but shouldn’t I want to stay home and change every diaper, wipe every snotty nose and kiss every boo-boo? After all, “these are the only years they are home all day every day” people told me, oftentimes while passing judgment. Wasn’t I failing majorly as a mom because I didn’t stay home with them?

NO.

No, I am not failing at all because I work. In fact, I think I’m a better mom because I work. I am much more intentional about my time with my kids. I get my errands done during my lunch break and immediately after work so that my evenings and weekends are completely devoted to them. I wait to do “me” things until after bedtime or during naps.

It helps that I happen to love the preschool my kids are at {and not only because it’s on-site}. I think they are so prepared for elementary. I can’t wait until Connor takes his Pre-Kindergarten admissions exam next year and absolutely aces it because he has been in a preschool his whole life. I can imagine the pride I will feel because I know I did the right thing for him by getting him a headstart on his education. If he were at home with me the majority of the time, I don’t think he’d be nearly as smart {although I’d give it my best effort, I’m sure!} because I’d be loading him up and running him all over Houston for playdates and Target trips. And is that really the best thing for him?

Listen, I’m all about my kids, my family, my friends, my church - and my JOB. I wholeheartedly believe in the words “to each her own.” I think that some people stay home simply because they cannot afford daycare, others drop out of the workforce for a few years to raise their kids, some work part-time, others work full-time, and some women become moms and quit working altogether.

At the end of the day, we are all moms, and how about we leave it at that?

God Bless Texas {Bluebonnets}

Every spring, I look forward to plopping my babies' into a patch of weeds bluebonnets and taking their pictures. It's like a right of passage in the Lone Star State, one of which I've only been made aware of since having kids. Call me a follower, but I really buy in to the whole bluebonnet thing. My Texas pride swells up in my chest when bluebonnet season rolls around. I spend a fair amount of {what's left of} my brain power pondering what they will wear, where we will go and then I promise myself not to overgram my kids and fill up your news feeds.

Lucky for us, the greatest bluebonnet patch was about a 4 minute drive away from our house. On a beautiful Saturday morning, the boys woke up way too early - in my opinion, anyway - so we loaded them up and headed off to take pictures.

I'm really pleased with how the pictures turned out. I dressed Connor in pants this year, since last year he was in shorts and hated the tall grass rubbing against his legs. And since Parker has rolls on rolls on rolls, it was a no brainer to put him in overalls. And of course we didn't leave the house without M&M's and fruit snacks to bribe Connor to smile. Whatever works, right?

He is 2 years and 5 months old (exactly) here. 

I love that when we told Connor to get close to Parker, he had to be head to head. He loves his baby!

Look at all of those chins!

They're perfect! Can't even!!! Gah!

Happy Spring to everyone!

Our Easter

Easter is probably my favorite holiday. I like it even more than Christmas. There, I said it. I've probably lost a few readers now. But to me, Christmas has become so rushed, commercialized and overbooked that it's just too much freaking work. For Easter, I don't have to decorate a tree, buy presents for everyone that interacts with me or my kids, and go to parties. My radio stations aren't hijacked for six weeks with holiday music, and I don't have to be politically correct when wishing folks a Happy Easter. And don't get me started about that Elf on the Shelf. Easter is simple, and on behalf of all the moms who don't live next door to Hobby Lobby -- let's keep it that way. 

Now, where was I? Oh yes, Easter. 

Connor had an egg hunt at school on Thursday. He is so methodical about egg hunting, and it cracks me up. He picks up an egg, opens it, surveys (or eats) the candy, hands me the egg and then moves on. In the time Connor hunted 4 eggs, the older kids had already collected their 12 allotted eggs and had moved on. 

Connor's class. E-tee (Ethan), Tess Mer Clr (Mary Claire) and their teacher, Ms. Chely

Pondering what he thinks about the jelly beans in the egg...

On Saturday, our neighborhood had an Easter Egg hunt that was a blast. We have 50 kids in our little neighborhood, many that are right around the ages of Connor and Parker. The dads went and hid all of the eggs at 8:30 and then at 9:00 the kids were free to hunt. The 0-3 year olds hunted eggs on the opposite side of the street than our house and this time, Connor got more in to it. We practiced picking up eggs, putting them in his basket and then opening all of them at the end. He caught on and would run to each egg and say, "Oh my egg!" So cute! After the egg hunt, there was an appearance by the Easter Bunny (one of the dads on the street was suckered in to wearing the costume). Connor wasn't sure at first, but then he finally wanted to take a picture with him and kept giving him high-fives!

That's Connor's cheese face!

After the neighborhood egg hunt, we spent the rest of our day out in Deer Park with Grammy and Paw Paw. My mom put together an over the top Easter basket for Connor. I wish I had a picture of it before Connor tore in to it. Mom puts a lot of effort in to the presentation of gifts and I love it. His basket was adorable and filled to the brim with sidewalk chalk, bubbles, books, Veggietales, and an ambulance and firetruck that both make noise (thanks, Mom!). He had a blast hunting for his eggs in their backyard and playing with his new bubble gun. Then while Parker napped, we took him to the park to play. It was fun for us to just do something with Connor and give him our undivided attention!

Hunting his eggs to put in his choo-choo basket!

He loved shooting Paw Paw with the bubble gun!

We had a blast with him at the park!

Parker was there, too! Parker Man...you'll get to run around with big brother and hunt eggs next year!

On Easter Sunday, we ended up at Urgent Care with Parker and missed church. This was heartbreaking for me, as this was my first Easter morning to not spend at church. There were tears. But, Parker was okay and that's all that matters. We had lunch with my family at Lupe Tortilla and then went to Tiki for a crawfish boil. Connor did his first crawfish races and went on a boat ride with Uncle Pete.

We had a great Easter weekend celebrating Jesus and celebrating our family. 

He is risen, indeed.

Mom Motivation

To me, this quote speaks volumes. It's hanging prominently in my craft room and is on repeat in my head daily. When I glance at it, I am reminded to make the most of these years with my babies. To listen to them; to get down on their level and look at them face to face; to play peek a boo for the 100th time; to try to figure out what the heck they are saying with their two year old vocabulary; to get up and shake it during the "Hot Dog Dance"; to celebrate even the smallest milestones with them; and most importantly, to just put aside my grown up agenda (and if I'm being honest, my iPhone) and play. That's what I want them to remember. That I was never too busy or too distracted to just be their mom. These days are numbered and I hope to make every one of them count.

So, here's to being the mom's we want them to remember!