Parker's Birth Story: Part Two

The first time I remember seeing my baby, this is what I saw.

This picture is so hard to look at. I lost it when I saw Parker in his NICU bed. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be snuggling my baby in my hospital room, peeking in on him in the nursery when I was doing my laps around the floor, and introducing him to a stream of visitors. I was supposed to be wheeled out of the hospital with a newborn in my arms.

But that was not our beginning. Our life with Parker began in the NICU at Texas Children’s Hospital. He was diagnosed with TTN (transient tachypnea of the newborn). It happens to about 1% of newborns and because of my gestational diabetes and c-section, Parker was more prone to TTN. It basically means that he had rapid breathing from excess fluid in his lungs. So, we had to wait for him to regulate his breathing on his own. This usually takes up to a couple of days after birth, but it took Parker eight days. It’s something he had to do on his own, and it’s certainly something we didn’t want to rush, as badly as we wanted him home.

A lot of tears were shed during Parker’s NICU stay and a lot of prayers were spoken. Being home without my baby made me feel so lost. I didn’t feel like I belonged home, when my baby was not there with me. And don’t forget, I was recovering from a c-section and had trouble getting around. I couldn’t get on the floor and play with my toddler like we were both accustomed to. It broke my heart every time he said “Mama, up” for me to hold him and I couldn’t. I was an absolute emotional wreck. For the first time in two years, I didn’t feel like a mom and it was devastating.

We spent long days up at the hospital with Parker and our evenings at home attending to Connor, basking in the sweet innocence that he had no idea what was going on with his baby brother. During those days, we got to know the nurses and wore them out with questions as we eagerly waited for our doctor to round and give us news about our baby’s progress. One of the first days when we were in the NICU, a sweet nurse started giving us maps of the hospital parking garages and tips on how to save on parking fees. All I could think was, “Does she know something I don’t know?” and “Just how long are we going to be here? Long enough to need to know this information?” I felt so helpless. I still couldn’t believe this was happening to us.

When I get lost in thought, I can still hear the beeping machines and the overwhelming smell of hand sanitizer that surrounded us each day at the hospital. I can still see my baby with wires all over his body and a cannula in his nose. On some level, I’m afraid we will have to return there, where our tender little boy's life revolves around the numbers on the screen and his saturation levels. But for now, I will cherish each and every day that we have our baby at home with us.

I’m so thankful our story has a happy ending. Holding Parker for the first time without any wires was such a joyful moment.

Receiving the news that we were able to take him home was another big moment for us. I couldn’t contain my excitement when the doctor told us he could go home! It was everything we had been praying for. We could bring our car seat into the hospital and take our baby home!

Fast-forward ten weeks, and Parker is a happy, healthy, chunky baby! Not a day goes by that I don’t give thanks to God for our little boy.

He had a rough start in this world. Our story reminds me of one of my favorite movie quotes. "Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most."

How thankful I am to be living in our middle!